i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
