I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
