i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
