My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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