Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
