fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm jealous of your bromance
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
