Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My hand turned me down
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
