I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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