I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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