is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
