so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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