Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
