i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
