You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
