Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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