i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
