the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Barsexuality is the new black.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
