Got a toothbrush?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
