well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
