Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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