I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
