Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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