woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
