i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize