Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
