i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
