if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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