why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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