You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
