That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just gargled with NyQuil
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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