I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
