Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
