I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
