Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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