she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cut my penus on the lid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
