It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
