yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're making bets on your personal life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
