I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
