hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
