I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
