Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
