One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
