Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
