Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
