I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
