She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
