How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
