hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
