my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it glows. i had to have it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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