i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
