tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
