Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
