So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
